Sex, Millennials, and the Church

Sex, Millennials and the Church: Five ImplicationsOnce seen as restricted to those within a marriage relationship, sex is now often viewed as recreation regularly detached from the concepts of commitment or love.  “One look at patterns of emerging adults’ sexual activity makes it clear that marriage is no longer a gatekeeper to sexual relations (Simmons).  Instead of marking the beginning of a healthy sex life, marriage is frequently portrayed within current media as its end.

I came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.  Thom Rainer is the President and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources.  He has written several books including Essential Church.

wedding-baker-lianne-761857-h[1]If you think that “Youth Groupers” are any better due to pledges and purity conferences, then you might be surprised at the facts.  Robert Wuthnow, professor of sociology at Princeton University has discovered that even those who believe sex outside of marriage to be wrong, may not be living by their own standards.  “When all unmarried adults in this age range were compared, 63 percent of those who thought premarital sex was always wrong acknowledged having had sexual relations in the past year” (Wuthnow).  Changes within our society have made it much more difficult for people to remain sexually pure.  The time between the physical development of sexual urges and the age to seek fulfillment of those urges has increased.

Since the pendulum of physical maturity and the pendulum of adult responsibility are swinging farther and farther apart, they will have to wait longer and longer from the time of puberty until the time when they have the opportunity to marry and begin the sexual relationship God intends for them.  (Moore)

Premarital sex, cohabitation, and hook-ups have become the new sexual norms.  Emerging adults now feel the freedom to experiment and find their sexual identity, rather than becoming locked into a committed relationship.  Accompanying this sexual freedom is a new set of problems that the emerging adult must overcome.  Smith discusses the dark side of this sexual freedom when he states, “not far beneath the surface appearance of happy, liberated emerging adult sexual adventure and pleasure lies a world of hurt, insecurity, confusion, inequality, shame, and regret” (Smith 2011).  Emotional damage is not the only difficulty that sexual freedom has brought emerging adults, but it can also result in disrupting their community when sexual relationships end.

The article calls the church toward change, and yet holding to the community’s beliefs.  However, it fails to explain what that looks like.  As always, it is easier to point out problems than to deliver solutions.

I will discuss the road towards solutions for how the church should respond in my next entry.  It is not an easy road, nor will all agree on the path to get there, but should that keep us from the journey?

 

References:

Thom Rainer and Sam Rainer, Essential church. Reclaiming a generation of dropouts.

Christian Smith, Lost in transition: The dark side of emerging adulthood.

Walker Moore, Rite of passage parenting: Four essential experiences to equip your kids for life

Robert Wuthnow,  After the baby boomers. How twenty- and thirty-somethings are shaping the future of American religion

Brian Simmons,  Wandering in the wilderness. Changes and challenges to emerging adults’ Christian faith.

 

10 Myths about Getting Married Young

10 Myths about getting married youngEmerging adults now wait longer to get married and have children.  According to United States Bureau of the Census report, the median age of marriage among males in 2011 was 28.7; it was 26.5 for females. The average age of first marriages has been rising since the 1950s (US Bureau of the Census 2004, Table MS2).

As the average age of marriage in America continues to rise, those who marry when younger feel the backlash of going against society’s norms.  Many Christian young adults who desire to maintain their sexual purity are deciding to get to married earlier than their peers who are sexually active.  I recently came across an article that discusses how society responds when a couple makes a decision to get married at a young age.

I do not believe people should be married at a certain age, but I do believe that young adults should be disqualified due to their age.  Young adults should not be judged by their age, but by the character and decisions that they display.

Like most articles that I post, I am sure to disagree with the author on various points, but I believe that different perspectives are helpful for empowering young adults, and encouraging their parents.

 

 

 

 

Parenting Young Adults with ADHD

As a parent with a child with ADHD, I know that parenting can be challenging at some times, and exhausting at others.  My son at the age of three would stay awake playing in his room until 11 pm because he could not settle down.

I have seen the challenges as a toddler, and child.  The challenges of a young adult with ADHD affect development, and cause difficulties within the home.

Here is a great article that I found that discusses the challenges of young adulthood for the person with ADHD.  The author does a great job of supporting the concepts of autonomy, community, and vocation.

 

 

What’s Causing Our Millennials to fail becoming adults?

Here is an article that does a good job addressing the economic reasons behind the delayed development of emerging adults.

However, there are many more reasons than simply economics that are affecting our adolescents’ development. In this article, I address the various causes of the delayed development of our adolescents.

Please note that moving out of your parents house, is not a sign of adulthood. At times in life, it might be a wiser decision to live with your parents due to your financial situation.  Rather than adulthood being defined by an economic indicator, our society is in need of better marks of adulthood.

Adulthood is defined by three tasks: discovering vocation, establishing autonomy, and developing community.

If you would like for me to come to your church, school, or organization to talk about the delayed development of adolescents, and what can be done, contact me at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

Win Skullcandy Headphones – RiseFest Attenders

I am greatly enjoying my time at RiseFest!

Thanks for visiting our website.  EA Resources is a faith-based non-profit organization that is dedicated to equipping parents and churches to understand Emerging Adults.  It is the desire of EA Resources to provide quality resources for parents, churches, and friends who want to help emerging adults.

Sign Up to Win Skullcandy Headphones

If you would like to be eligible for a pair of Skullcandy Hesh 2 Headphones, please sign up for our e-mail mailing list.  You must verify your e-mail address in order to qualify to win.  One individual’s name will be drawn following RiseFest.  The winner will be contacted by e-mail, and the headphones will be shipped to the address provided.

Good Luck!

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you would like to connect with me while at the festival, please text me at 612.875.0036.

 

4 Lies Church Taught Me about Sex

I found this article well-written, and true as I work regularly with those who were raised in the church, and are now married.

Two Quotes:

“Those of us who choose to wait do so because we hold certain beliefs about the sacredness of marriage and about God’s intentions and wishes for humanity, and we honor these regardless of whether they feel easier or harder.”

We do not refrain from sex because God will bless our sex lives.  We seek to glorify God with our lives before we are married by remaining pure.  We glorify God after marriage by enjoying His gift of sex.

“In the meantime, we in the evangelical church has a lot of work to do correcting the distorted ways we talk about sex and sexuality, especially to our youth.”

No youth pastor has ever tried confuse their students about sex, but it happens.  Even if we are careful about what we teach, we cannot control how it is heard.  However, perspectives like this are helpful as we try to address the sexual purity that is so desperately needed in our society without directing our sheep into other errors.

Read the Article here.

Dr. G. David Boyd

Why were tattoos so taboo?

Once associated only with motorcycle and street gangs, tattoos have now become a part of main-stream society.  Nearly four-in-ten Millennials have a tattoo (and for most who do, one is not enough: about half of those with tattoos have two to five and 18% have six or more).  Many Christ-followers are actually getting inked as a sign of their faith. Continue reading

Sacred Ink

tattooOnce associated only with motorcycle and street gangs, tattoos have now become a part of main-stream society.  Nearly four-in-ten Millennials have a tattoo (and for most who do, one is not enough: about half of those with tattoos have two to five and 18% have six or more).

It seems like this percentage is the same regardless of religious background.  The negative stigma of tattoos has been erased among many religious groups; but I have noticed that tattoos among believers sometimes look a little different.  Many Millennials are not just getting a tat, but a sacred piece of body art.

When deciding whether or not to get inked, many EA’s do not consider what others would think.  They were born before the negative stereotypes of tattoos, and never realized their ink would upset others.  The only outside opinion that seems to matter to emerging adults belongs to their parents.  One EA said, “My dad got extremely upset with me and shut himself out. My mom even though disappointed, was just happy I got something that wasn’t offensive.”  Once seen as a mark of rebellion against parents, I recently heard of a story of a father who was so moved by his son’s sacred ink that he went out and got one to match.

Tattoos are often a sign of their faith, and not a spirit of rebellion.  The legal age of tattoos in many states is 18, but people can get them before age 18 with the permission of a parent.  Desiring their tattoo not to be a mark of “youthful rebellion,” several emerging adults actually asked for their parents’ permission even after they reached the age requirement.  One EA said, “I talked with my parents beforehand and explained the significance [of my tattoo] and that I had been planning it for a while. I knew I did not need their permission, but I wanted to be respectful.”

So before you judge a EA by his or her skin, there are a few things you should know about tattoos.

Sacred Tattoos mark a spiritual turning point.

20140308_112144 (2)Much like the stone monument placed down by the Israelites in Joshua 4, emerging adults want something permanent to mark the movement of God in their lives.  Many emerging adults got tattoos to represent a personal struggle in their life including:  depression, or death of a friend.  One EA writes, “[after a friend’s suicide, my tattoo] was a promise to myself to never turn to suicide as an answer.”  Another EA writes that, “I got it when my life was shifting, but I was feeling solid about my faith. It seemed to be a good way to remember, the constant presence of God in it.”

One Emerging adult said that their tattoo represented a “significant paradigm shift.”  Knowing the struggle of keeping spiritual convictions and decisions, emerging adults want a daily reminder of their decision.  One EA says, “I decided I should keep my faith towards God growing. I needed something that would last, so I got the shield of faith tattooed on my forearm as a daily reminder.”  In a world filled with fleeting circumstances and flaky relationships, the permanence of tattoos can encourage and comfort them in their journey.

Sacred tattoos display a message to others.

EAs have grown up in a pluralistic society, and are conscious of crossing people’s personal boundaries.  Desiring to share their faith, tattoos allow Christians a reason to share their faith without being pushy.  One EA described it as a “conversation initiation tool” that allowed them to share their faith with others.  One EA compared it to baptism, saying, “…it is like baptism for me, a public testimony of your faith to those outside of the church.”

While some get the highly recognizable cross or bible references, EAs prefer something that needs a little explanation.  It is not because they are ashamed of their faith, but because they don’t want their tattoo to be bumper sticker that someone reads and walks away, but something that begins a conversation about faith.  Some EAs are getting words written in Greek, Hebrew, or Latin phrases that cannot be understood by a simple glance.  One described that their Hebraic tattoo comes from, “an ancient rabbinic goodbye, and signifies that disciples would be walking so closely behind their rabbi that the dust that he kicked up as he walked would cover them.”

Several expressed frustration when someone asked flippantly about a tattoo, because it represents such a depth of who they are which includes their faith.  One writes, “although it annoys me at work when customers ask because I don’t have time to talk about it at length.”  Their tattoos are not done in a spiritual high, but emerge from a deep desire for long-term faith.

Faith is hard.  During the difficult times of our journey, we all experience doubts.

Sacred Tattoos are a reminder to emerging adults of their commitment.  They know that these marks do not inherently hold spiritual power, but knowing how fleeting the human will can be, they want their faith to stick like the permanence of a tattoo.

Long after the water of baptism has dried, the retreat is over, and the spiritual high has faded, their ink remains.  They desire to mark their faith in a concrete way that will substantiate what God has done, and recognize His transforming effect on their life.

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.  He is also the Founder of the EA Network, a national network to connect those who minister to emerging adults.

How to Get a Summer Job.

How to Get a Summer JobSummer is here, and many young adults are looking for a job.  While many jobs are already taken (Sorry, but you should have started a little sooner!), here is an article that can help you find work.

Remember your summer job is not about who you are, or what you will do for the rest of your life.  A summer job is following God’s direction into a position that can provide for you.

Here is another article that talks about Vocation.

Wherever you get placed, find ways to learn and enjoy it.

http://jobsearch.about.com/od/internshipssummerjobs/ss/apply-for-summer-jobs.htm