McDonalds faces ‘Millennial’ Problem

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I am a pretty big fan of McDonalds.  I was actually there early this morning.  Sitting at a hightop table working on my computer while sipping my large sweet tea and making good use of their free wifi.

So I am sad to hear the news that McDonalds sales are slumping due to the majority of Millennials who prefer other restaurants (however, I won’t be losing any sleep over it).  Here is the article.  McDonalds must make changes and shift with the changing culture if it wants to stay at the top of the industry.

While it is not important to me whether or not Millennials are going to McDonalds, it does bother me to know that so many emerging adults are leaving the Church behind.  I believe that a spiritual community is foundation for a follower of Christ.

This week, I am consulting with a church in Austin, MN.  This church has a desire to reach the Millennials in their town, and I look forward to how God is going to speak to us.

If your church is interested in reaching the Millennials in your community but doesn’t know where to begin, please let me know.  I would love the opportunity to come alongside your group as we seek to reach a new generation.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you are interested in having him speak to your community about Millennals, and how your church can build a ministry to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

From Boy to Man – Part Two – A Response to Albert Mohler

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In part one of my response, I highlighted a few issues with Albert Mohler’s descriptions of manhood including his limitation of manhood to those who are married and have children.  In this second post, I will continue to examine his 13 points of maturity by responding to points 7-13.

7.  Ethical maturity sufficient to make responsible decisions.

Mohler says, “A real man knows how to make a decision and live with its consequences–even if that means that he must later acknowledge that he has learned by making a bad decision, and then by making the appropriate correction.”  There is a huge need in our society to teach our children autonomy.  Autonomy is the ability to make decisions and live with the consequences, and it is essential to being a man.

 8.  Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important.

Mohler states, “He must learn how to defend biblical truth before his peers and in the public square, and he must acquire the ability to extend Christian thinking, based on biblical principles, to every arena of life.”  He clearly stresses the importance of intellectual apologetics which is based upon a Modern Worldview.  I do believe that men should acquire the ability to think theologically about many issues and how to apply them to their lives.  However, his use of the words “defense” and “public square” seems more like a call to conservative politics.

 9.  Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others.

Mohler states, “By nature, many boys are inwardly directed. While girls learn how to read emotional signals and connect, many boys lack the capacity to do so, and seemingly fail to understand the absence of these skills.”  I am not sure what “inwardly directed,” means, and I would like to see some support for this statement.  While I agree that males and females are different biologically and sometimes express different qualities, gender-based stereotypes and assumptions are not helpful for building up the body of Christ.

Both men and women can develop their Emotional Intelligence.  A strong sense of identity can equip you to understand and respect others without feeling threatened by them.

 10.  Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.

Mohler states, “God has created human beings as social creatures, and even though our ultimate citizenship is in heaven, we must also fulfill our citizenship on earth.”  God did make us as social creatures, and the third developmental task of adulthood is for the emerging adult to establish a community.  Adults are not called to be independent, but interdependent.

 11.  Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man.

Man praying“Here’s a striking phenomenon of our times–many adolescent boys and young men seem to communicate only through a series of guttural clicks, grunts, and inchoate language that can hardly be described as verbal.”  I am not sure what phenomenon Mohler is talking about.  While communication has changed through the years, I am not sure what he is referring too.  Many adolescents and young men are capable of speaking clearly when someone is actually listening.  I feel as if it is an age-based derogatory comment.

Mohler also adds that “Beyond the context of conversation, a boy must learn how to speak before larger groups, overcoming the natural intimidation and fear that comes from looking at a crowd, opening one’s mouth, and projecting words.”   I am not sure why public speaking is a requirement for manhood.  The check list is becoming longer and longer as I read it.  I am still hoping to qualify, but meeting his standards is overwhelming.

 12.  Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire.

“Parents should give close attention to their sons’ character, for if character is corrupt, nothing else will really matter.”  Character does matter, and I hope that my children will have the courage to stand up for what they value.  I don’t believe however that character is most evident in the spotlight (or on the battlefield).  I believe that it is most revealed in the quiet decisions made when no one else is looking.

 13.  Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church.

businessman Mohler states, “While God has appointed specific officers for his church–men who are specially gifted and publicly called–every man should fulfill some leadership responsibility within the life of the congregation.”  I don’t find that every man has the spiritual gift of leadership, nor is every man called to lead within the church by nature of their gender.  I do believe that God does call us to community as the Church, and I would encourage men to find a way to serve within the body rather than assuming that you are required to lead.

Mohler ends by stating, “Dads, you are absolutely crucial to the process of man-making. No one else can fulfill your responsibility, and no one else can match your opportunity for influence with your son.”  It is important to call men to fulfill their role as a father.

However, what do you say to the man who must find his way because his dad left him?  What do you say to the single mother who is struggling just to make it?  What do you say to the young man whose father passed away from cancer?

What hope do you leave these children?  What encouragement do you leave these mothers?  His statement is bleak.

While I believe in the power that fathers have on their children, I also believe that the body of Christ is big enough to adopt those who are fatherless, to care for the widows, and to guide young men into maturity who had no role models.

resolution list - CopyMohler has recreated  Proverbs 31 – Man’s Edition, a laundry checklist of values and performance-driven requirements that every man is doomed to fail due to our humanity.  Many men need empowered rather than beat over the head by their failures.

May God free you from your feelings of inadequacy?

May you step forward in confidence as who God has created and designed you to be.  Know that God’s grace and mercy can lead you in the midst of your failures to become the man He has called you to be.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

From Boy to Man – A Response to Albert Mohler

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What makes a man?  The answer to this question is what drove me to start EA Resources.  The answer to this question is the foundation of MTAB.  Manhood is more than a beard.  Manhood is more than driving a truck, owning a firearm, watching Monday night football, having a wife, or producing babies.

It is not simply a question asked by the prepubescent boy, but by males at a variety of ages.

I recently came across an attempt to answer that question by Albert Mohler.  Dr. Mohler is the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Dr. Mohler attempts to answer the question “When does a boy become a man?” on his blog.  I want to respond to the answer that he gave, and share why his answer are lacking at best, and at other times – hurtful.
Dr. Mohler and I agree that this topic addresses one of the most important issues that Christians face in today’s society.  I also agree that as Christians we should form our responses from a Biblical perspective.

However, I disagree with the author at various points.  (He gives 13 areas of maturity that men must attain – whose alliteration reminds me of sermons from the 80’s, and had too many points to make anything stick).

The main points are from the article, and I will respond briefly to each.

1.  Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children.

While I clearly believe in the spiritual maturity of men, I do not believe that spiritual maturity is a mark of manhood.  If you subscribe that spirituality is required for manhood, then it follows that all non-Christians are not men.  (While spirituality is an aspect of human development, this is an example of over-spiritualizing human development.)  While we desire for all men to be spiritually mature, there are men who are spiritually mature and spiritually immature.  (For developmental markers of adulthood, please read my post).

There is a bigger problem with Mohler’s comment.  Dr. Mohler seems to require that men have a wife and children.  If this is not true, he could have replaced the words with “others.”  His definition of manhood is available only to Christians who are married, and been blessed with children.  I know many men who either by choice or circumstances are single or without children.  What message does this send to these men?

2.  Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father.

Once again, Mohler adds the requirement of being a husband and father.   Mohler says, “In the Bible, a man is called to fulfill his role as husband and father. Unless granted the gift of celibacy for gospel service, the Christian boy is to aim for marriage and fatherhood. This is assuredly a counter-cultural assertion, but the role of husband and father is central to manhood.”

If being a father is central to being a man, I am surprised at how little instruction is given in the Bible concerning being a father.   The Bible is more filled with the story of Jesus, and how he came to redeem us and thereby calling us to bring redemption to the world.

I am surprised that the one we are called to emulate – Jesus – was neither a husband nor father.  Humans can hold to many roles including:  husband, father, brother, neighbor, uncle, friend, teacher, worker, and leader.  Responsibility can be revealed through any of these roles in life.

3.  Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money.

medium_6736161971I agree with Mohler when he says, “A boy must be taught how to work, how to save, to invest, and to spend money with care. He must be taught to respect labor, and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, and a dollar honestly earned.”  I believe that one of the three developmental tasks of adulthood is vocation.  There is a lot of wrong teaching about what vocation is within the church.  Vocation can be defined as how “God has chosen to work through human beings who, in their different capacities and according to their different talents, serve each other.” (Veith, 2002)

I also believe that our manhood should not be linked with “hold[ing] an adult job” (whatever that expression means).  I feel as if this expression rules out jobs held by hard workers in entry-level positions due to the inaccessibility of education.  It is important for a man to provide for his family (I Timothy 5, 2 Thessalonians 3), and to work.  I have seen some friends whose manhood never shined brighter than when they were in a period of unemployment or under-employment.  It is important to know that our approval before God is not dependent on whether or not we currently have a job.

4.  Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family.

Like all other points, this one requires all males to be married and have children.  However, he also attempts to link physical maturity with protecting a family.  I am thankful that he acknowledges that some males due to injury or illness are exempt from his standard – however the standard is still flawed.

Is physical might the only means by which a man might protect his family?  I don’t feel as if calling 9-1-1 is less manly than pulling out a gun, chasing down an intruder.  I feel as if Mohler wants to say that all real men own a gun, but doesn’t go quite that far (for which I am thankful).  While I have no trouble with men who own guns or built a pair of guns at the gym, I don’t think that either is required for manhood.

5.  Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God’s purposes.

As puberty rates decline and marriage rates escalate, the time between a male’s sexual maturity and the moment at which they enter marriage expands.  During this time, we must help boys as they wrestle with sexual desires and question their sexual identity.  I appreciate Mohler’s desire to call both boys and men to purity.

6.  Moral maturity sufficient to lead as an example of righteousness.

Group of men - church“Stereotypical behavior on the part of young males is, in the main, marked by recklessness, irresponsibility, and worse.”  Unfortunately, society often establishes negative stereotypes for young men.  As the church, we need to change the metanarrative (or the descriptive story) of adolescence and young adulthood.  If we continue to characterize youth as a time of reckless wandering from God, then young men will continue to meet those expectations.

“Biblical manhood does not develop in a vacuum.”  Mohler is correct that manhood does not happen in theory, but in the context of our lives.  Overall, I would like to see him acknowledge that manhood can be fully achieved without having a wife and children.  The church must stop making singles and childless couples feel like second-class citizens.

The piece overall speaks not about moving from adolescence into adulthood, but characteristics he wants Christian men to exhibit.  Therefore, he leaves his original question unanswered, and leaves young men trying to complete a laundry list of ideals in order to grasp their identity.

For my perspective of moving from adolescence into adulthood, please go here.

References:  Veith, Gene.  God at Work.  2002

(Here is my continued critique of Mohler’s points.)

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Helping Your Child “Survive and Thrive” at their First Job

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As a high school junior, I got my first job working in a small independent bookstore.  Our small staff loved each other, and what we did.  I left school early to work each afternoon, and then on Saturdays.  I have to admit that it was a great job – no sweating in the summer heat, or over a grill.

My job taught me a lot, and made me excited not just about the money, but about what I learned.  Since then, my jobs have not all been that fun (painting the behind urinals at a local prison) or easy (like scraping windows on the third story of scaffolding), but my first job taught me to love work, and to work hard.

How to help your child thrive at their first job.

1.  Clarify priorities.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. www.aaronrobertphotography.com Copyright 2014.

The ability to make decisions based upon priorities is important skill as many will go to college where the academic and social options are endless.  Guide your child as they set their priorities.  One parent states:  “We encourage(d) our kids to prioritize: God, family, school, athletics & activities and finally work.”  Whether or not you agree with this family’s priorities, the discussion of priorities is essential.

When different opportunities arise (like school, work, or sports), adolescents need to learn the ability to say no to certain activities based on their priorities. One Emerging Adult reflects on how their choice to work affected other areas of their life.  “For me, work took the place of several extra-curricular activities.”   Do not allow your children to participate in everything, but force them to make choices at they get older.

2.  Set boundaries.

When adding a new role as worker (or employee), it is important for adolescents to set boundaries.  While vocational development and earning money may be important, it is not the only piece of your child’s development.  Therefore parents must help adolescents choose and uphold boundaries.

Here are some questions to discuss with your child:

a.  Will your child be allowed to work during family worship time?

b.  Will your child be allowed to miss other church activities? (Like youth group or retreats.)

c.  When will your child have access to a car?

d.  What hours/days of the week will your child be allowed to work?

e.  Are there restrictions on how paychecks will be spent?

f.  Who is responsible to pay for gas, insurance for the car?

One family described their rules, “[Our children] couldn’t work more than 15 hours a week.  They had to keep their grades up, to tithe (however much God led them to), and to save a little from each paycheck.

When a child [or their workplace] crosses a boundary, a parent has the right to enforce them.  This is not interfering, but parenting.  A parent does hold the ability to tell an adolescent that they can no longer work.  While living with their parents, our children need to know that holding a job, like all other adolescent activities is a privilege, and not their right.  Like other privileges, this freedom can be removed.

3.  Discuss expectations.

© 2011 DVIDSHUB, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

We all have expectations in life.  Sometimes adolescents know and communicate these expectation, but at others times they are hidden. If you want your child’s first work experience to be a success, discuss their expectations.  Ask your child what they expect in the areas of pay, hours, the type of work, the work environment, and their interactions with others.  If their expectations are unrealistic, help them research the facts on-line, rather than simply bursting their bubble.  Help them envision and define what success will look like for them whether it is becoming a manager, or making a friend.

Not everyone will have a dream job while in high school, but it can be a positive experience when priorities are established, expectations are discussed, and boundaries are set.  So whether your child is digging dirt, flipping burgers, or selling books – guide them in how to have a healthy perspective of vocation.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is thankful for all those who helped him survive and thrive during his vocational journey.

Go Get a Job – The Developmental Reasons for Adolescents to Work during High School

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While “Go Get a Job” can become the go-to response for parents whose children are regularly asking for money, getting a job is a big decision for both adolescents and their parents.  The purpose of this article is to help parents think through the reasons why an adolescents should get a job.   While getting your child away from the house may be helpful, as one parent said, “There needs to be a measurable, attainable goal.”

Here are some good reasons to allow your adolescent to “Go Get a Job:”

1.  Financial Need

Parents should communicate to their children through word and deed that they are not a source of endless money regardless of their life stage.  One parents says, “Whether or not my children get a job is up to them, but I will not be handing out free money.”  Saying no to your children’s financial demands is great motivation for them to get a job, and develops a sense of personal autonomy.

© 2008 Jason Tester Guerrilla Futures, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

I have seen so many parents take second jobs, and work around the clock in order to fulfill each demand of their adolescent children.  This is especially true in today’s world when college is perceived as an entitlement rather than an opportunity.  Speak regularly with your adolescents to set their expectations about college.  One parent says her children, “worked hard for the privilege of getting a higher education. I don’t think they’ll take it for granted, ever.”  Parents should not be seen as benefactors of their children, but both children and parents are participants within the family system.

2.  Learn Skills

Entry-level jobs can teach skills that are key to life development.  One emerging adults states, “A job helped me to learn skills to keep a work schedule, manage my own money and time, and interact with managers, bosses, and coworkers.”  Another Emerging Adult says, “As a soccer referee, I learned how to treat people professionally even when they don’t reciprocate.”  This emerging adult took his soccer knowledge, and turned it into a vocational skill.  Skills learned by adolescents include:  responsibility, time management, the value of work, working with others, working with customers, computer skills, dealing with authority, and business etiquette.

3.  Discern Vocation

© 2009 Alex France, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Adolescents are ready to begin a life-long journey of finding work that will provide for themselves and those they love.  In these early jobs, emerging adults can learn what type of work fulfills them.  For example, an adolescent can learn whether they enjoy working with people, or working alone.  One emerging adult reflects, “I wish looking back that I had invested more in jobs that would have prepared me for a career after school, by focusing on getting administrative or service experience.  Instead, I went for what worked with my schedule and paid the most.”

 4.  Social Skills

While getting your kid out of the house should not be the only motivation, your child must learn to develop new social networks.  Learning social skills including:  listening, following authority, smiling, contributing to conversations, and managing conflict are crucial.  One emerging adult shares their experience.  “I just liked the job, because I had a friend who worked there so we had a blast working together, and all the adults in the place loved us and treated us like their kids. I’m still FB friends with most of them.”  Sometimes parents want to protect our children from outside influences during high school; however, it is important that adolescents are able to build their own social network.

 5.  Learn Autonomy

A workplace setting will require the adolescent to develop autonomy.  As a parent, you must allow them to make their own decisions and face the consequences.  It is not your job to wake them up for work each morning, to call their boss, or to fill out their paperwork.  If an adolescent’s first job comes through family connections, it is even more important that parents stay out of their work world, and allow the child to achieve or fail based upon their own performance.

There are several reasons to encourage your children venture out into the world of work.  One parent writes, “each family has to look at the individual kid and see what makes sense for them and the family.  Every child will be different.”

May God guide you as you reflect on your child’s developmental needs.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Vocation: Discerning Your Calling

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Vocation: Discerning Your CallingI found this great article written by Dr. Tim Keller on defining vocation, and wanted to share it with my readers.  In 1989 Dr. Timothy J. Keller, his wife and three young sons moved to New York City to begin Redeemer Presbyterian Church.

I believe that Vocation is one the three developmental tasks of emerging adulthood.  It is crucial that emerging adults and their parents have a proper Christian perspective of what vocation does AND DOES NOT mean.

My Highlight

“Your vocation is a part of God’s work in the world, and God gives you resources for serving the human community.”

 

After the Nest is Empty – Redefining Your Life After Kids

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© 2008 Robert S. Donovan, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Many parents dream of the empty nest for years, while others dread it from the day that their children are born.  When it comes, few people are able to adequately prepare for the changes that come after dropping off their children at college.  Continue reading →

Asking the Guy on the White Horse to Go Away.

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rachel by water

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

This is an interview that I conducted with a friend who after waiting years for Prince Charming to propose, decided that he was not worth the wait.  Please share with those who might be going through the same situation.  I pray that her words will heal your heart.    

This relationship was different.  I kept thinking that he really was the one.  Along the way, I misread or ignored some signs that might have kept me from heartache.

We met at church, so I assumed God’s approval.

As the years passed (Yes, years!), most of our friends were moving ahead to engagement, marriage, and even children.  While we were just…stalled.

At first, he was the only one who was allowed to bring up the topic of long-term commitment.  He would tell me that he was going to marry me, and even talk about having children; however, there was always a but.

But I need to finish school…But I need to get a job…  But I need to get established in this job…  But I need to move… but I, but I.

The reasons never included me – or even us.  There was never an opportunity for me to speak into it.  It seems as if our relationship had almost nothing to do about what I wanted.

As the months turned into years, I became angry, and felt unloved.  I was constantly walking on eggshells when discussing our relationship.  He held all the power, and I wasn’t allowed to bring it up.  Whenever I expressed my frustration, he would say, “If you break up with me, I am not taking you back.”

There were times when I found courage to leave only to be slowly drawn back.  He needed comfort, security, and companionship, and used me to get it.  I liked being needed, so I gave in – without considering the fact that I needed something too.

I dreamt my whole life of getting a ring, so how could I leave when I was so close?  In the end, I am actually glad he didn’t give me a ring.  The ring would have just sucked me into another dream where I believed that our love was real.

In the end, I cut myself off completely from him and our social groups.  I wrestled with God in long, tear-filled prayers.  However, I know that breaking up with him saved me a lifetime of wondering whether he really loved me or not.

In this journey, I realized how much I undervalued myself.  I believed that I wasn’t worthy of his love, or anyone else’s.  I convinced myself to just be content with what I was getting.  I believed that his love was the best that I could get.  I was captured by a fear that if I lost him, then I would never have another chance at finding love.

I became so worried about losing him, that I lost myself.

This long and painful road has definitely increased my faith.  It has opened my eyes to the worth that I do possess.

How Long is Too Long? Waiting for Prince Charming to Pop the Question.

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rachel by water

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

He rode into your life on a white horse.  He swept you off your feet, and stole your heart.  You sensed God’s leading and blessing in this fairy-tale love story.  But that was months ago, years ago, and nothing has progressed.  While you have talked many times about long-term commitment, he has yet to “Put a Ring on it.” Continue reading →

Guess Who Cares For Young Adults When They Move Back Home

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ADULTKIDS_BANNER

I came across this article, and wanted to share it with my readers.  Heather Krause is a statistician who works with nonprofit organizations.  As you read, here are a few thoughts.

1.  If you are making lunches for an emerging adult, you are not helping them, but discouraging their development (through hindering their personal autonomy).

2.  Although “moving out” is considered the pinnacle marker of adulthood, it is not adequate for establishing adulthood.  Assuming that proper boundaries are established, families can remain living together their entire lives.

3.  The author states that she doesn’t care about doing housework that her grown children should be doing.  I believe that this is due to the fact that many adults fail to redefine their lives when children move out.  After years of caring for children, an empty nest requires that the individual redefine their personal lives, their marriage, and their home.

Dr. G. David Boyd