Processing Pain in Emerging Adulthood

Copyright 2016 EA Resources. Please contact for permission to use.

Throughout my life and ministry, I have observed people in various life stages (childhood, adolescence, emerging adulthood, adulthood) experience deep pain.  It is especially wrenching to see little children go through pain.  While some say that children are resilient to pain, could the limited reaction of children (their resilience) to pain be due to their ability to fully process it?  

Pain and suffering affect any individual’s development, regardless of their age; however, feelings aren’t always processed immediately when the tragedy occurs.  Painful events and trauma often circle back into our lives, especially while transitioning to new stages of development.  

As children grow and mature, we must understand that traumatic incidents will be processed at differing stages.  Let’s imagine that a young boy named Billy was a victim of physical abuse which happened when he was five years old.  A child might process this event at different ages based upon his cognitive, emotional, social, and spiritual development; For example: (Please note: listed ages are relative.)  

At 4 – Dad hit me.  It hurt.  

At 8 – Dad hit me.  It hurt.  Dad was angry.  I am scared.  (The child has developed the ability to identify emotions within themselves and others.) 

At 12 – Dad hit me.  It hurt.  Dad was angry.  Dad doesn’t love me.  I am scared of Dad.  I am angry.  (The child developed the ability to recognize cause and effect, and abstract concepts.)

At 15 – Dad hit me.  It hurt.  Dad was angry.  Dad doesn’t love me.  I am scared of Dad.  I am angry.  I feel confused about my emotions and reactions towards my dad and mom.  My dad had other options.  My mother had other options.  God had other options.  I am angry at dad, at mom, and God.  (The adolescent developed the ability to connect experiences with spiritual beliefs, to use complex rationality, and to contemplate social relationships).

At 21 – Dad hit me.  How am I affected by my past?  How has my experienced shaped what I believe about myself and the world?  How will my past affect my current and future relationships with him and others?  (The emerging adults developed the ability to reflect on their past while developing their autonomy, and  establishing a social community.) 

During the transition to adulthood, pain can resurface.  Adolescents once trapped by family systems who either forced the child to avoid pain, or were the source of pain – are now freely able to process their childhood experiences.   

As the individual transitions towards adulthood, emerging adults seeking to establish their autonomy will begin the process of separating who they were in the past (or what had happened to them) into who they want to be as they make their own decisions.  As they process their past pain, emerging adults reflect how their experiences has shaped them, and how it will affect who they become.   

As emerging adults develop community, they make decisions as to how their past will affect their current and future relationships.  The ability to choose their social network allows them to make decisions concerning with whom they will continue relationships (even among family members).

As emerging adults discover vocation, pain can lead their vocational decisions as they seek healing from past trauma, or seek to heal others from the pain that they once experienced.  

Pain plays often a vital role in each fundamental task of adulthood shaping each individual according to God’s plan.  As those who minister to emerging adults, we must learn to ask good questions that will lead emerging adults to reflect on their past.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, and the Founder of the EA Network.  If Dr. Boyd can help you and your community minister to the needs of emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.      

 

 

 

Fostering virtual faith: Building an online community

As the internet has become more apart of our lives, discussions have been around for years about the possibility of a virtual church.  Here is an article that speaks about a truly virtual church, and how it desires to reach out to Millennials.

The Rev. Sion Gough Hughes, pastor of a Protestant church in Melbourne, Australia, was surfing the web a couple years ago when he happened on a Facebook page that challenged his understanding of his calling. 

Continue reading

The Millennial Exodus in Scotland

The steady decline of Church of Scotland membership to some 360,000 persons is well documented. It is therefore no surprise that linkages, closures and reduction in number from the prevailing 46 presbyteries are envisaged. However, the main challenge is the alarming lack of young adults attending church. In many congregations perhaps 70 per cent will be 60 years of age and more. It is no longer one generation missing, but two. This is the emergency which must be addressed even before the present structure of presbyteries is considered. Continue reading

The Millennial Exodus and the Historic black church

I read an interesting article over the weekend, and I wanted to share with you.

Here is the Link.

Members of Jubilee Baptist worship during a recent

Photo: CINDY HOSEA/Staff

 

While the article is not based on solid research, it does have some interesting points.  Some that I do not agree with, and some that I do:

  1.  “Parents have a responsibility to tell their children, to make sure that church is not an elective. It is a must.”
  2. “They’re important to the life of the ministry; they’re the next generation.”
  3. “they don’t see the church as relevant and so as a result, there’s been a falling away.”
  4. “Leaders have to let youth know the church is still relevant.”
  5. “I think my generation’s parenting has not given that demand of youth going to church.”
  6. “Churches spend too much time trying to be all things to all people and trying to become wealthy megachurches.”

What comments from the list do you disagree with?

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip church and parents to meet the needs of emerging adults.

 

Theology on Tap – To Drink or Not to Drink

While hosting a Theology on Tap ministry may or may not fit your church context, here is an article that discusses how one church has found a way to connect with emerging adults.  It also provides an introduction that all churches must answer regarding how to approach drinking alcohol among emerging adults.

EFFINGHAM — Glasses filled with wine and other alcoholic beverages were scattered atop a dimly lit table in Village Wine in Effingham. It’s an unsuspecting setting for prayer and religious discussion, but that’s what happened there on Jan. 19.

And it’s what happens there every third Thursday of the month for “Theology on Tap” meetings. The gatherings bring religion to young people in a relaxed environment.

Click Here for the entire article.

Scroll down for highlights.

Theology on Tap

Here are some highlights of the article:

  • “It’s a way to meet other young adults without needing the party scene,”  Highlights Emerging Adults need for Community
  • “Too many people don’t see the beauty in them,” she said. “The potential in them. The mystery.”
  • “Theology on Tap is something a lot of churches around the world have adapted to reach young people. It brings people together in a responsible way.”

If you work with emerging adults, you will be working alongside both adolescents (who cannot legally drink) and those over the legal drinking age.  As a ministry you will be challenged to establish policy and practices on what role drinking can have within your community.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself as you lead your community:

  • How can we allow autonomy among emerging adults concerning this issue?
  • What role(s) can drinking alcohol play in our community?
  • Does your religious community have any policies regarding this issue among other adults?
  • How do we identify when drinking as a group or for an individual might need addressed?
  • Does your religious community have a policy regarding this issue among adolescents?  How should it be the same?  How should it be different?
  • Is there a difference in policy and practice from when a gathering is attending/organized directly by a church representative than when community members organize their own outings?
  • What values are driving our decisions?

I am sure there are more questions, please share your thoughts/questions below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and the church to minister to the needs of emerging adults.

 

 

They are not “College Kids”

Copyright by Aaron Roberts Photography

I recently read this piece online, and wanted to share it with my readers.  Enjoy!

College Kids!

That phrase has come to evoke a nearly visceral response from me. When I hear it, I bite my tongue and muster all my strength to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head. (And then I have to repent of my pride and judgementalism.)

You see, thinking of college students as “kids” is one of the greatest barriers to effective collegiate ministry. College students are physically and legally adults in most cases. Calling students “kids” only gives them permission to indulge in juvenile behaviors and gives you permission not to take them seriously. And that’s just the thing…

Read the entire article Here!

Here are some practical ways that you can stop treating emerging adults like kids.

Collegiate Collective Collegiate Collective is working to elevate and advance the gospel on all college campuses globally by equipping, resourcing, and networking the leaders who are engaged in or interested in reaching students.

The author Chase Abner is the Lead Church Planting Catalyst in Iowa with the North American Mission Board and a consultant with the Salt Network in Ames, IA.

Why I Stuck with the Church – Paul’s Story

(This is part of a series written by Millennials who have either left or stuck with the church.  If you are a Millennial and would like to submit your work for publication, you will earn $100.  Here is the link.  To read more stories by Millennials search Millennial Exodus.  If you would like to fund our research among emerging adults, click here.)

Here is Paul’s Story.

My household rarely has snacks in it, mainly because I eat whatever we have immediately. However, this very day a half eaten package of Oreos is in my cupboard. And now, as I type, I have no desire to eat the rest. I’ve eaten so many they don’t even taste good anymore.

And so it goes, with almost everything I consume. After playing video games for hours, I find them boring. After chasing wealth, I find that what I’ve gained doesn’t satisfy. These things are good in moderation, but overindulgence makes the desired loathsome. There is a distinct reason one of the wealthiest men in history said ‘the man who dies rich, dies disgraced.’ Constant sex eventually becomes mundane, drugs tear our bodies apart, rich foods become as disinteresting as stale bread. The promise of indulgence simply isn’t true.

There is another way.

Its figurehead tells us to do without, and make do with meager fare. He does not promise power or wealth or fame. The promise of this man is so much different than what the world promises.

The man I speak of is Christ, and he promises an entirely new way of life. In Matthew and Mark, Jesus lifts up the two greatest commandments; love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor. This is what the church offers; a place where wealth and fame and all other forms of worldly glory burn away.

We are all one in Christ Jesus. This relationship with God burns, but does not consume. The Kingdom of God promises an entirely different way of living in the world, one that brings me real satisfaction. Hoarding money doesn’t bring joy, sharing it does. I’m a Christian because I have seen the promises of indulgence fail me and those around me over and over. ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.’

Paul Drees Rosenwinkel is a student at Luther Theological Seminary. He enjoys playing banjo, bike commuting, and cribbage with his partner, Addie. He will someday tweet from @RevRosenwinkel.

Free Images of Emerging Adults for Ministry

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2017. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

EA Resources is a faith-based non-profit organization that is dedicated to equipping parents and churches to understand Emerging Adults.  Our desire is to provide quality resources for parents, churches, and friends who want to minister to emerging adults.

EA Resources has commissioned photographers to take photographs for churches to use as they seek to reach emerging adults.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2017. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

If you are in need of free images of emerging adults for church publications(some of which are featured on our site), please contact me at gdavid@earesources.org.  I will email you a link where they can be downloaded.

If you are a photographer that would make your work available to churches, please contact us.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit that exists to equip parents and churches to minister to the needs of emerging adults.

 

 

Emerging Adults, Emerging Worship – Seminar by Todd Cioffi

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2016. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

This seminar if from the Calvin Symposium on Worship from 2012.  While it is a few years old, it speaks on an important topic of how emerging adulthood will affect the church.

The recording provides a definition of emerging adulthood and why this matters for the church in regard to how churches worship.

Here is the Link.

Todd Cioffi is assistant professor of Congregational and Ministry Studies at Calvin College and research fellow at the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship.

 

Curriculum List for Emerging Adults

Here is a list of curriculums for emerging adults.  Need some help picking some curriculum?  Here are some helpful hints.   

If you know of additional resources, please contact me at gdavid@earesources.org.  

Dr. G. David Boyd is the founder and managing director of EA Resources, and the EA Network.  If he can equip your community to minister to emerging adults, please contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.